16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence – 3

This is my story I met a lad in town I was 16 year old and he was my first proper boyfriend things was going well, but after a couple of months things started to change, I wasn’t aloud to see my family or friends I had to stay with him , once I told him I was going home so he pushed me infront of a taxi and said I wasn’t aloud anywhere. but things just started getting worse he got a knife to my throat, I used to go days without eating and drinking. sleep rough outside when he was off his head with drugs which he used to do infront of me, he used fear and violence to control me. To begin with I thought this was normal. He had violent mood swings. He pushed me down stairs and locked me in the house. He also once tortured his friend really bad and made me watch. After 8 months I tried to escape but he caught and nearly strangled me I could feel myself going blue. But I stayed with him as I loved him.For me the turning point came when I got pregnant and the violence continued. Trowing a glass bottle at me, slapping me etc He threatened to take me away to a travellers site in London if Social services became involved. I knew that I needed to keep my unborn baby safe, that I needed to escape for me and my baby. I made a plan and arranged for my brother to take D out for a few hours. I packed my bag and my Mum picked me up and took me home. Which wasn’t the end he was still coming to my mums house trying to get me until the police got him,I told my story to a police officer from the Domestic Violence Unit who was fantastic- very patient and supportive. Social Services, Domestic Abuse outreach services, my midwife, and Housing – all helped my family to relocate so that me and my new baby could be safe. This was 9 years ago and I still receive support from the YWHP. At first it was help to stay safe and get my life back on track. I now have 5 children and I am so much more confident and fulfilled and happy. If I ever need support or parenting advice I call my support worker at the YWHP. My oldest daughter also receives Creative Movement Therapy with the YWHP therapist.I have done really well considering the trauma I experienced, but the memories will always be there. Honestly, there were times before my baby was born that I thought about returning to D- because he is the Dad he might of changed but deep down I new it wasn’t right but when you love someone you want to be with them but Luckily I had my family and support services to keep me strong, and help me to make the right choices, which I’m so glad I have as looking back now it’s the best decision I have ever made,My advice to others in abusive relationships would be to get help and get out be safe and be happy it might not seem like it at first but honestly it’s the best thing you can do.

YWHP Client November 2020